Okay I will start at the beginning of the week. Our devotionals are ... AMAZING. I'm sorry I wish I could describe this in a better way but I can't. They are simply AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They uplift me so much and help me every week!!! Every single time we are blessed with so much guidance and instruction for the MTC and more importantly for the field. On tuesday we get free time so people usually sleep during that time. This of course is exactly what kasama ko and I did and then we slept thru dinner and woke up just in time for the devo. Oops! Yes we felt guilty but it was a blessing because I was literally incapable of walking in a straight line all day that day and so the little hiccup was a blessing. Anyways when we got to the devo almost all of the seats were taken accept for this patch of empty seats in the corner which an usher told us to go to. We walk down the bleacher and I am heading to that area, and another usher stop me and directs me to the front middle section of seats which I didn't want because I thought he was directing me to the middle of one of the aisles and I didn't want to do that! Why? Because literally my butt would not fit through that! Anyways so I shook my head and told him that we were going to the corner in the back and he gave me this stern look and pointed to the front again. Well my kasama pushed me forward and I found my self walking to the front and before I knew it we were sitting in the first row right in front of the speaker and the mission presidents. Lol the devotional was of course brilliant, and the speaker made eye contact with me like 10 times it was great. In addition to this the mission president and his wife were literally STARING at my companion and I. It was super awkward. And I was praying with my heart and soul that he wouldn't call us up to bare our testimonies. Towards the end he leaned over to his wife and the were talking and looking at us, lol this story has a happy ending. My companion and I escaped testimony-baring free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay for us! Hahaha
The beginning of the week wasn't going so well for my kasama and I . We were really frustrated and discouraged with the language. The week before we were doing fine but at the beginning of this week nothing was sinking in. And it was getting harder and harder for me to understand the conjugation and their proper uses. By the end of every class period I literally felt like my brain was going to explode or I was going to pass out from exhaustion. In addition to that I was feeling really unworthy ... of just ... everything. I felt like everyone else was so much better than me and that I was just ... useless. Well during a coaching period our teacher Sister Osbourne gave us some GREAT council. She listened to what we had to say and then asked us a question. She said if we were standing outside and someone asked us to move a mountain would we? I looked at my companion and laughed, and answered her honestly. I wouldn't be able to. Not even close. She then said, if Christ was standing next to me and He told me to move a mountain would I? I answered honestly again. Yes of course. If my Savior was standing next to me I would be able to do anything. But alone I wouldn't stand a chance. This proves to be true about my time as a missionary. If I try to learn this language on my own without relying on the Savior and His atoning grace then I would NEVER LEARN IT. That opened my eyes and my heart. I was trying to accomplish learning this language by myself, so of course I hadn't learned anything! Of course I didn't get anywhere. In Ether 12:25-27 Moroni writes about the same struggles as me! He wants to say so much, and he has so much to say but he can't! He stumbles over his words, very much like the way I stumble through Tagalog. He is afraid that people will mock him and I am afraid that I will not be understood. That what is in my heart will not translate through my speech and that I will not be able to share this simple yet powerful and beautiful message that I have been entrusted to share! Well in verse 26 Heavenly Father says "Fools mock but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek that they shall take no advantage of your weakness; [and then in verse 27] And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." This scripture has always held a special place for me in my heart. But it has finally come alive for me. I see it so much more clearly now. And I know what I need to do now. Because in those verses humbling oneself doesn't always work the way we think it does. I am still figuring this out every day as I ponder about it and pray about it. All I know is that I am so grateful that I have been given this trial! My teacher Brother Pierce says that this language barrier puts us on even ground with the people that we are going to teach and I couldn't agree more. Honestly. Its amazing. How much we can accomplish through His grace. It IS sufficient for all men. Especially ME. And YOU. He wants us to grow closer to Him and the ONLY way we can do that is by enduring our trials, humbling ourselves and constantly keep our eye single to Him. I can't even begin to describe how important this has become for me. And how much more I see that He loves me!!! This language is really hard! And I struggle every day! But I have learned how to have faith in myself through having faith in Him. That even tho I feel totally unqualified for it, that doesn't matter!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because I was called to this work by a prophet of God and my tiny useless human brain shouldn't try to comprehend the things of eternity. That is what my Savior is here for! He will take the burden off of my back so that I can continue to walk closer and closer to my Heavenly Father. His sacrifice is sufficient. And it always will be. For the rest of my life I know that He will always be there next to me, working WITH me to make my burdens lighter and to protect me from Satan and the things of this world. I am so happy that I get to email all of you every week! And I love hearing from you!!!! I miss you so dearly!!!! You are always in my prayers!!!!!!!!!
The church is true! And missionary work is HARD WORK! But I love every second of it and I wouldn't trade for the world! I have a scripture to share with you before I go finish my laundry and then go to the temple and then teach my for TRC lesson tonight! Wish me luck! It is found in Job 23:10 its short but it is one of my favorites. It says "But he knoweth the way that I take, when he that tried me I shall come forth as gold." I love that scripture! It is so true! He knows the way that I take not me! He knows me better than I could ever hope to! And he if I can put my burdens in his hand he will take it, and refine it and give it back to me in a condition I could never even HOPE to achieve on my own. I love this Gospel! This church brings me greater blessing that I ever hoped for and I am so grateful for this opportunity to serve! I love my Heavenly Father and my Savior and Redeemer Jesus Christ and I will do ANYTHING that I am commanded to. I will continue to chip away at my perfections so that one day I may be perfect.
I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
! And I will email you again next week!
Sister Fonua :)