Sa inyong lahat! Kumusta po lahat kayo?!
Wow I have had such an AWESOME week! Talaga! Where do I even begin? Okay well I guess I'll start at the beginning haha. So our teaching pool is pretty small and the amount of lessons that we can pull every day is also fairly small because our area is so huge. Also it is a bit of a challenge encouraging our investigators to attend sacrament meeting. Some of them are super progressing they read the Book of Mormon and have actually received answers to their prayers! Before I go on I just want to testify of how beautiful it is to actually see the spirit working within the people that we teach. Seeing this and knowing that they are children of God never fails to build my testimony. Truly the more we teach and the more immersed I become the more powerful my testimony becomes and the more powerful my knowledge of the Savior becomes. It is so incredibly beautiful and I am blessed and humbled more and more every day. Okay so back to our investigators. So the ones that are super progressing are the ones that live farthest from the chapel and for all of them it is too expensive to pay for and way to far to walk. My companion and I have really been turning to the Lord with these things because aside from teaching and encouraging and being as loving and kind as we possibly can that is the only other thing that we can do. But honestly this week it has built my testimony in such a HUGE way I am at a loss for words.
In the beginning of our week we were really optimistic and positive about how we wanted the week to end and how we wanted our weekly actual to look. As the week progressed tho we slowly but surely got more and more discouraged. When we talked about it yesterday we realized that a lot of it was internal. For me personally I just didn't feel good enough. I didn't feel like I was fulfilling my responsibilities the way I should and it just really got me down every day. Especially when we would get home at night. Each day was totally different but the outcome of every day usually just ended in disappointment. As I pondered on this throughout the week, especially during personal study I started to realize a number of things. The first and foremost being Satan's influence in our lives. Every day we went out we came home feeling absolutely hammered because we just worked and worked and worked lol. Pero we were only able to teach a few people at best and after working your little heart out 2-3 lessons a day was super difficult to deal with. So of course instead of having faith I turned inward and started blaming myself or just anything. I wanted a reason for the things I thought were failing and if I couldn't find one I started creating those things, by blaming myself and just being really hard on myself and everything that I did. The more I did this the less confidence I had in the work and especially myself. I started comparing myself to other missionaries, and I started comparing their success with ours. At the time I didn't realize what I was doing was wrong because I was so willing to blame something ... anything rather than try to see the wisdom in the end result of every day. This effected our lessons and just everything. Now please don't freak out and think that I was totally like off the rails. Because I wasn't. Through these problems tho I realized quite a bit. The first was that all of those negative and just hard thoughts I had about myself and about our work were totally and completely wrong. I know this because we were diligent and faithful when we went out and even tho we didn't get the desired result that's OKAY. If there is one thing that I have learned here on my mission is the concept and reality of perfection. No where in my call letter or in the scriptures does it state that we are required to be perfect. The wording is always BECOME. This process as all of you know doesn't happen over night, it takes a life time. A life time of ups and downs, of highs and lows and of good times and bad. Pero through these times it is so important for us to remember the promise that is in every book in the scriptures is that in our times of trial and hard ship when we are laboring with all of our might Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are there laboring with us, every single step of the way. I know that during these times Satan's influence is so strong, and those negative thoughts no matter how real they feel or seem they are wrong. Those times are hard, theres no doubt about that but if we change our perspective and if we constantly remind ourselves to trust Him and trust in His love I know and promise that you will feel peace in your in your mind and your heart. And those trials and those seemingly hard times will become stepping stones that will only ever lead you back to His presence.
Every day I learn something new and through these trials I seriously understand more and more just how much I have to learn as a missionary and as a daughter of God. In Alma 37:35-37 "O, remember, my son, and learn wisdom in thy youth; yea, learn in thy youth to keep the commandments of God. Yeah and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all they doings be unto the Lord, and withersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever. Counsel with the Lord in all they doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let they heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day." These versus have strengthened me and they have helped me to become more faithful and more trusting. It has helped me to understand how to truly have an eternal perspective with the things in my life and especially with things that I can't control. The amount of learning and growth that I experience on a daily basis blows me away all the time because I know that they are blessings and I am filled with gratitude and humility for my Heavenly Father, Savior Jesus Christ.
I love you all so much! And I hope you all are happy and healthy!
I love you!
Sister Fonua :)